We Don’t Cut Corners, We Clean Them

Well, we have officially disbanded Noir Not the Father, but don’t worry you can’t get rid of your favorite group just yet. We have merged into No Stain No Problem. I guess we thought it was time to put our skills to better use.

Our Agency’s Site: No Stain No Problem

Twitter: @NOstainNOprob

Here is how we got started:

“This origin luckily came about from the Noir Not the Father Saga. Stella figured that her life as a talk show host wasn’t really working out for her, since she always had the same guests. So she decided to start an agency. Knowing she couldn’t have an agency on her own, she decided to seek help from her fellow NNTF costars, aka her only “friends”. Obviously, she still wanted to make people’s lives as hard as possible, which is why she wanted to bring back Blair, Mick, Billy and Jack. They were a f***** up bunch, so working with them would be entertaining. Blair, who recently became in an official relationship with Mick, probably still has something going on with Billy under the table, whore, but who really knows. Stella wanted to bring them under the same roof to see what could unfold. Jack is back because, well, free alcohol for all. He is a bartender, and when in doubt, he could make something tasty.

Anyway. We wanted to create an agency that brought us all together and that focused on our individual skills. This agency is made to clean up the messes, that most people wouldn’t want to clean. The 5 of us basically just take time out of our busy ass schedules to take care of business. The shipments come, we do the stuff, then we drink. a lot.”

Here is our Staff:

Blair has become the Stain Queen/Manager. With her history of Crime Scene Clean-up, she seemed like the perfect person to put in charge of cleaning up household messes. We tried to get her cleptomania under control, but no promises (If something magically goes missing, we are not liable). Anyway, she is in charge of making sure everything is done properly, and efficiently.

I, Stella, am now the publicist. I am in charge of making sure our clients indiscretions remain quiet and non-existent. Everyone deserves to have their secrets. I know that when large service trucks show up in front of houses, people start asking questions. When I am done with you, no one will question your motives.

Billy is our janitor, that’s what he gets for being drunk all of the time. He gets put in charge of disposal. We have a lot of…utensils we need to clean up messes, so they need to be taken care of in the proper way. And sometimes there are pretty big heaps of debris that need to be anchored and placed in large bodies of water…

Ol’ Mick is our security. He ensures that if anything goes wrong, the police won’t get involved. Bretton sweeps everything under the rug and keeps OUR messes invisible.

Jack is our reconstructor. Once we get the stains and story figured out, Jack comes in a fixes everything to make it look good as new.

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